Top 5 Topics Couples Need to Discuss Before Marriage

Isn't it amazing how often couples get married without knowing their partner's stance on very important issues?  Issues which will inform the rest of their new life together.

When people who break up over differences regarding, for instance, children, you can't help but wonder "didn't that topic come up while they were dating?"

My belief is one of the major factors for the still sky-high divorce rate in the United States is the lack of meaningful communication between couples.

So, the following are five essential topics couples need to discuss before they walk down the aisle:

1. The Marriage Itself   Couples need to discuss what each other expects from the marriage, and the roles their partners will play.  Often, our view of marriage is shaped by what we saw, or didn't see, in our parents' relationships during childhood.  Therefore, it is very important to learn how the both of you view marriage in order to determine if it is the right step for you to take.

2. Sex  It is surprising how often people have sex, yet are bashful in talking about it with their mate. The bottom line is sex is a cornerstone of a solid marriage.

Consequently, you shouldn't be doing anything sexually you can't talk to each other about!  Sex acts one partner may feel is normal, the other may find distasteful. Lovemaking styles, techniques, fantasies and sexual frequency are all important sexual issues that need to be discussed.

For example, if your partner is satisfied with having sex once every other week, but you like it twice every other day, then there is a potential for major conflict. Discussing your sex life is important to uncovering issues which may have a significant impact on your marriage.

3. Money  This topic should be a no-brainer.  However, couples often neglect discussing what their individual money management styles are.  In fact, fights about money is rated as one of the top reasons for divorce by many.  Don't let this be your story.  Take time to discuss what your financial plans and goals will be for yourselves, as well as the new family unit you are planning to create.

4. Religion/Spirituality  Our spirituality is a part of our core identity.  It influences many of the decisions we make in other areas of our life.  So, it can't be emphasized strongly enough how important it is for couples considering marriage to discuss each other's spirituality and beliefs.

For instance, if you are a devout Christian, but are planning on marrying a Buddhist, you need to talk about how your respective belief systems are going to co-exist in the marriage.

5. Children   Whether or not to have children is a source of conflict for many couples.  It is imperative to discuss if you both will want to start a family. If you eventually want to have children, but your spouse doesn't want any ever, it's best to know where each other stands before getting married.

Furthermore, even if you both agree children will be in your future, you still need to discuss your views on child rearing. Again, our views on child rearing are most often informed by how we were raised. Some people believe that spanking a child is appropriate under certain circumstances. Others maintain that spanking a child is completely unthinkable regardless of the situation.  Talk about it.

Now, please bear in mind that this list is by no means exhaustive. There are certainly many other important issues that couples need to discuss before committing themselves together in marriage. 

A great resource to use in helping to open up dialogue with your partner is author Michael Webb's excellent ebook:  1000 Questions For Couples.

Finally, plesae share with us what topics you think couples considering marriage need to talk about. Better still, if you are married, is there a topic you wish you had discussed with your spouse before you said "I do?"  Please comment below and share your thoughts with us!

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Comments

[Tina T]

I do think that these are some important topics that couples need to discuss ahead of time. I have to admit that my husband and I didn't discuss all of these before we got married, but we are from very similar backgrounds that led us to agree on so many issues even if we didn't discuss them first.

One thing that I think couples also need to consider is how they and their partner view divorce. Not that you need to dwell on the topic of divorce when you're considering marriage, but I'm surprised by how many people (even newlyweds) that openly have the opinion "if it doesn't work out there's always divorce." I don't know a single couple who expressed that opinion who has been able to get through tough times and remain married.

[rdpogs]

as long as you love each other and willing to be with him for the rest of your life... that's all that matters. guys better try this website its really good.

[Pro Marriage Counselor]

Great pre-marital preparation questions! Prioritized, simple and clearly stated. I'm sharing, thumbs up! and tweeting.

[Isabel]

Thank you for sharing this. I believe that this is of great help to all couples especially to the young ones. I agree that money is a big deal in marriage and I often hear that this is the reason why misunderstanding happens between the couple. So proper management of money should be given with great important.

https://www.babymonitoringshop.com

[Terez]

Isabel, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! Far too many couples naively believe "love conquers all!" While it be would be so amazing if this were always true, the reality is, it takes more than just the feelings of being in love in order to build a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime.