The Illusion Of Long Term Relationships
Terez
Photo Credit: RTPNews of the divorce of Al and Tipper Gore has sent shock waves through the country.
"After 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore decide to separate!" is a sample of the types of headlines you find splashed across all media.
Another famous couple, actors Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, decided to end their 23-year-long relationship.
When we hear about the dissolutions of long term relationships, we naturally feel sympathy, loss and express regret over the plight of the couples involved.
A common thought which runs through our minds is "what a pity after being together so long, they couldn't make it work."
This type of thinking is indicative of the fact we believe in the illusion of the long term relationship. Specifically, the illusion is if a couple have been together for an extended period of time, the union must be a happy one.
However, the reality is the length of time a couple have been together is not always an accurate indicator of the quality of the relationship. Many couples choose to remain in long term relationships which might seem happy to casual observers, but in reality are not.
So, why would couples remain together so long if they are unhappy? Of course the reasons are varied, but some of the more common ones are:
- They believe they are keeping their family together. There are still quite a few couples (especially those with children involved) who strongly feel divorce means the failure of their family.
- Keeping up appearances. For some couples, there is still a stigma attached to being divorced. It doesn't matter if this stigma is actually held by their social circles or is a self-imposed belief. Some also believe their professional standing may be negatively impacted by divorce.
- Religious beliefs. Many believe, no matter what the reason, divorce is strictly forbidden by their faith and/or religion.
- Financial concerns. Just as many people name money concerns as the reason for divorce, others still remain together for that very same reason.
- Fear of the unknown. People fear change, and divorce is a big one. Instead of getting out of a unhappy relationship, many choose to remain in circumstances which may be miserable, but are still familiar.
The truth is, one can not judge the success of a relationship or marriage simply by the length of time the couple have been together. One respected family therapist recently said whenever a couple reveals how long they have been together, she always responds with the question, "So, how do you feel about that?"
I think this question holds the key. It's not the duration of our romantic relationship which truly matters, but ultimately how we feel about it overall - which has much more significance.
Finally, how do you feel about couples separating after being together for a long time? Have you been in a similar situation? Please share your thoughts with us by commenting below!
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