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Entries in 'til death do us part (1)

Thursday

Sep022010

Who Are The Married Walking Dead?

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When you make a vow to be with another person for as long as you both shall live, you are vowing to be alive in your marriage. To do otherwise is to squander God's most precious gifts - life and time.

- Dr. Robin L. Smith

A different kind of death

Every day, two people stand in the sacredness of their love and pledge to be together 'til death do us part.

If you are like the majority of us, you tend to only consider the literal meaning of this vow - physical death which severs the bonds of matrimony between bride and groom.

But the shocking reality is, many couples remain married long after death. However, the death they have experienced is a spiritual rather than a physical one.

These couples are the married, walking dead.

This spiritual death occurs when a person chooses to remain in an unhappy, loveless (and often) abusive marriage.

Ironically, these individuals believe they are honoring their vow to be with their spouse for as long as they both shall live, but their spirit and soul have already perished.

Unfortunately, I've observed far too many people who are becoming members of the walking dead because their relationships are killing the very essence of who they are.

The signs

If you look and listen closely enough, you may notice some of the signs:

an ever-ready smile which is not reflected in the eyes
a hint of regret and disdain heard in the voice when speaking of their spouse
resentment expressed toward a spouse who does not support their hopes or dreams
a sense of dread felt when they are in the presence of their spouse

Of course, the question has been often raised as to why people choose to remain in miserable marriages. But maybe a better question should be, why do people decide to enter into unhealthy relationships to begin with?

For example, why does a man select a woman who emasculates and belittles him at every opportunity? Why would a woman not pack her bags the very first time she is mentally, verbally or physically abused?

My personal feeling is somewhere along the way, the person's self-esteem has taken a substantial hit. This may help to explain why anyone would choose a lifetime of suffering in a loveless marriage.

The violated marriage contract

When a person checks out of his relationship by being emotionally absent or abusive, he has already violated the marriage contract.

Remaining in such a union may result in you losing yourself, which is a form of spiritual death.

Let me take a moment to explain that I am not anti-marriage. My opposition is to needless suffering. The hard fact is, some marriages are damaged beyond repair.

If you are in such a situation, ask yourself this vital question - at the end, do you want your headstone to read: Here lies Jill. Though completely miserable, she sure hung in there with Jack!"