12 Ways Love Isn't - Relationship Behaviors To Avoid

Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap.  - Ray Charles

If you think about it, the word love is thrown around a lot.

For some folks, it flows off their tongue as easily as water flows downhill.

In fact, people in the most dysfunctional of romantic relationships will often swear up and down they love their mates - but their behavior towards each other is screaming the exact opposite.

While there are plenty of ruminations to be found on the nature of true love, it is just as important to recognize what it is not:

1.  Love is not abuse

2.  Love is not losing yourself

3.  Love is not manipulation

4.  Love is not control

5.  Love is not deception

6.  Love is not disrepect

7.  Love is not being made to feel inferior

8.  Love is not exploitation

9.  Love is not just sex

10. Love is not dishonesty

11. Love is not broken promises

12. Love is not conditional

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Is Love A Battlefield?

But I'm trapped by your love and chained to your side. We are young, heartache to heartache we stand, no promises no demands, love is a battlefield - from "Love Is A Battlefield," performed by Pat Benatar

One of the biggest rock anthems in the early 80s was the song "Love is a battlefield," sung with beautiful ferocity by rock star Pat Benatar.

Literally overnight, it became a modern ode to the complexities of romantic love.

After recently listening to this classic in the car one afternoon, a thought occurred to me - why is it that love is often compared to being in battle or conflict? The concepts are polar opposites!

For example, most of us, myself included, are guilty of using expressions such as "you have to pick your battles" to describe how to handle disagreements in relationships. The phrase "all is fair in love and war!" is commonly heard as well.

Do the terms "battlefield" and "war" invoke feelings of security and trust? 

No, quite the contrary they serve as cues that you must be on your guard with defenses at the ready.

In fact, there are couples who view their relationships as war zones where each partner is vying for control.

Of course, whenever couples engage in these types of power struggles, intimacy and passion become the victims.

Frankly, I reject the notion that our relationships are a series of brutal struggles we must endure. Loving relationships are ones in which both partners feel completely safe with each other.

Absent from mature love is the need to seek dominance or control. Present are passion, trust, honesty and  respect.

If you feel you are at constant war in your relationship, please stop and seriously consider why.

Yes, life may be full of many battles, but love should not be one of them.

Do you agree or disagree? Do you feel  love must be a constant struggle? If so, why?  Please share your feelings about this issue by commenting below.

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