Why Getting Cold Feet Can Save You From Heart Ache
Terez 
photo credit: Tina Vega
An Early Warning Sign
A couple who gets cold feet before their wedding are often assured by their supportive family and friends it is only a case of nerves, and should not be taken seriously.
That is a BIG mistake.
Of course, being a little nervous before getting married is to be expected. You both are about to embark on a major change in your life. Plus, the stress of planning a wedding only adds more fuel to the fire.
However, there are many of you who know before you walk down the aisle you have serious reservations about your relationship.
Deep inside, your gut is telling you something is wrong. When doubts about the wedding are expressed, you brush them aside because you love each other and that is all that matters. Right?
A Cautionary Tale
Let me tell you my friend's story. Serena and Louis (their names have been changed to protect their privacy) had dated for several years before deciding it was time to get married.
Serena and I have known each other since college. She is an intelligent, compassionate and charming woman who is also a talented writer. Louis is a quiet and stoic man who is a successful IT professional.
Serena and Louis chose to get married in Mexico in a private, beautiful ceremony with just the two of them, the wedding official and one witness. Two years later, they divorced.
Shortly after the divorce was final, Serena invited me to dinner where we discussed what her future plans were. During the conversation, I asked my friend, "Serena, when did you know your marriage was in serious trouble?"
She drew in a deep breath, then admitted, "I had many concerns during our engagement, but I knew definitively right before the wedding I was making a big mistake."
She continued, "There is one incident that occurred during our ceremony which was a major red flag that I should have called the whole thing off. As I was walking down the path to join Louis before the priest, I stumbled and fell. Louis did not make one move to help me! The priest had to assist me. Despite being humiliated, I proceeded with the ceremony."
Okay, I was beyond stunned at hearing this. Of course my next question was, "Why didn't you call the wedding off?" She thoughtfully replied, "Honestly, I felt obligated because of all the expense Louis spent on the trip, our honeymoon, plus the reception for our friends and relatives back in the states. I didn't want to embarrass our families. But in my heart, I knew the marriage was a mistake."
Trust Yourself
Now, Serena's story is unique, but it highlights an important truth: all too often we know deep down in our hearts when a relationship is no good for us. But instead of trusting our inner voice, we get carried away by the euphoria of being in love and/or bow down to the expectations of others.
Incidentally, it does not help that our society places far more emphasis on the pomp and circumstance of the wedding instead of the marriage itself.
If you are dismissing any serious doubts as simply having cold feet, please stop! Listen to what your inner voice is trying to tell you. Refuse to let it be overwhelmed by any external pressures, including the expectations of family, friends, or even your partner. Trust yourself.
You are doing yourself, and your partner, a grave disservice by not directly confronting any misgivings you are having about your impending nuptials.
Remember, marriage is a partnership which should be entered into whole-heartedly with love, joy and deep commitment - without any sense of fear, dread or obligation to anyone.
Do you feel pre-wedding nerves are too quickly dismissed? Please share your thoughts by commenting below.
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