Why Being Single Is Nothing To Fear

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."
- Jo Coudert

Fear Itself

Do you remember the last time you made a decision out of pure, raw desperation?   More than likely the end result was not what you expected - or desired.

Why?

When we are desperate, we are essentially acting out of pure fear. For instance, fear we will lose our job, or fear we won't win approval, recognition, etc.

For many of us, we also jump into romantic relationships out of fear.

The Bachelorette Factor

Recently, there was a casting call near my local area for women to audition to star in the next season of the popular reality series The Bachelorette.

Women were literally lined up from the door of the venue, down the street, and around the block waiting for their chance to audition.

When the local news media asked a number of the candidates why they wanted to appear on the show, some of their responses were very telling: 

• "You never know where you will find true love"
• "Sometimes you have to take a chance"
• "this might be my opportunity to meet my soul mate"

As the camera focused in on the faces of these women, you could see their excitement.

Of course,  it would be safe to assume some of them waited in line for hours just to get a shot at their 15 minutes of fame.

However for a number of them, the razor-thin chance of finding true love via an exploitive reality show was worth their time.

Something is a little wrong with this picture.

The Solitary Question

What is it about being single that scares the hell out of so many of us?

Is it fear of being alone? Is that a basic reason so many people chose to enter into, and remain in toxic, unhappy relationships?

Is it the social stigma?  Yes, there is still a stigma attached to being single, especially if you have never been married. Society holds many misconceptions about single people and their lives.

Is it failing to meet the expectations of others?  It's astounding how so many people enter into relationships and marriages because they feel it's what is expected of them.

Facing The Fear

Whether you have always been single, or are currently unattached, the bottom line is being single is neither good nor bad.

It just simply is.

That is the main reason why being single is nothing to fear.

Yes, it's truly wonderful if you find love in a healthy, mature relationship.  But you know what is even better? 

It's loving who you see in the mirror each day, and the life you are creating for yourself.

Regardless if you are single or not.

If more of us would strive to keep this essential truth in mind, maybe the casting call line for shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette won't be as long next time.

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4 Annoying Misconceptions About Being Single

"I don't like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone." - Delta Burke

Being single in a world still mainly oriented toward couples can have its share of challenges.  There is still a collective undercurrent of pity and sympathy expressed for people who are not romantically attached to anyone. 

And frankly, it gets a little irritating.

As a single person myself,  many unsolicited assurances have been made to me by well-meaning acquaintances that "my special someone is out there," or "there's still plenty of time" for me to find my soul mate.

"Plenty of time?" Is there a deadline someone forgot to tell me about?

Unfortunately, somewhat of a social stigma is attached to singles, especially the older a person gets.  And God forbid you are single and never have been married!

At least divorced or widowed people get a (temporary) pass. Eventually though, even they are advised to "get back on that horse" and start dating again.

In order to help clear the air, the following are five common, annoying misconceptions people have about single people in general:

1. If you're single, you are looking for a partner.  This one is terrible because of its presumption.  Not every single person in the land is actively looking for a mate. So, before you attempt to play amateur match-maker for that single co-worker, neighbor, friend or relative, first ask them if they are interested in meeting someone.  Then respect their answer.
2. Deep down, single people are sad and lonely.  Uhm no, not true.  Just because a person isn't romantically attached is by no means indicative of their emotional state.  Just as being in a relationship doesn't guarantee a person is happy or fulfilled.
3. If you're single, you're a commitment phobe. Again, this is such a blanket generalization. People are not wired all the same.  Yes, most definitely there are individuals who fear commitment. But there are others who choose to be single for any number of other myriad reasons personal to them.
4. Single people are somehow incomplete. Wrong again.  Despite how romantic the notion may be,  the reality is another person can not make you complete.  You are whole in and of yourself. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness regardless of your relationship status. Rest assured, the fastest path to heart break is by seeking happiness and fulfillment primarily in someone else.

Finally, we all need to realize that our relationship status is simply our state of being, and not a definition of who we are inside.  We are all unique and varied individuals - that's what makes life so wonderful!  So, before you judge a book by its cover, remember to look deeper.

What other misconceptions about being single are missing from the list? Please share by commenting below!

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