Are You On The Marriage Track? A 21st Century Dating Dilemma

Special guest post by Dr. Gerry Heisler, PhD, and author of the forthcoming book Relationship Boot Camp.

What are we doing going out? Where are we headed? 

This generation is facing a dilemma that most haven't. Your parents and grandparents may have had a different view about dating. Many were prepared and predisposed to be dating so they could find a spouse. They saw someone as long as they were spousal material, and then dumped unsuitable candidates.

Many didn't date just for fun but were actually task-marriage oriented.

Getting married in your early twenties, right after college was common place and even desirable. Some worried if they remained unmarried when they reached their mid 20's without a significant love-relationship.

Not so today.

Many people in their 20's and 30's I see today don't WANT to be on a marriage track like their elders. They look to build careers or finish their education. They are more into having fun and having friends with benefits.

When many start dating someone, these questions often arise.... "What are we doing? Why are we going out?" Usually one person may feel more about the other, and this can make the other feel guilty that the intense feelings of love aren't reciprocated.

"I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to lose the benefits. I don't want to lie to them, but I don't want to be on a marriage track." It's as if they can't let someone get too close or too far away.

Real ambivalence. Real conflict. Real confusion.

About the author:  

As a senior clinical psychologist, when Dr. Gerry Heisler writes about relationships, he has over thirty-seven years of front line clinical encounters as a psychotherapist, assistant professor, and marital therapist.  He has dealt with couples and individuals of all ages.  He based his Relationship Boot Camp book on both personal and clinical experiences.  These provide foundations for his investigation of how to find and make love stay.  He  has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology.  He has presented at national conferences and is on television regularly in his regional market.  He has been interviewed by various newspapers, magazines.  Dr. Heisler has made many speaking presentations on a wide variety of psychological topics.

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